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  • Writer's picture Rachel Smith

Breaking the Connection

Why sometimes walking away from a partnership is the best (albeit hardest) choice to make.

All my life I’ve had a connection with horses. Never met a horse I couldn’t work with. Sure, there were a few I didn’t particularly like and those that challenged and pushed me, but id never had a horse that I just couldn’t mesh with. Until I bought a little mare I planned to train and sell. She was beautiful, had great bloodlines, and would mature to be a wonderful horse. But she had an attitude. And I’ve been one of the lucky few who has only ever had amazing mares. My main mare is the one in a million horse that everyone wants. More gelding than mare. Pure heart, no attitude, can’t even tell when she cycles, willing and ready for me at all times and the horse I am most deeply connected with on the planet.

But this young mare with all her potential, and I do not mix. We had war after war. We couldn’t agree on anything. We just couldn’t get on the same page. The funny thing was anytime I would get a friend to ride or work with her, she completely changed. Our connection just wasn’t there. As I write this, I still own her, but I have come to the realization that walking away from this mare, may be my best choice for both her and I.

I believe this is the same situation as walking away from that toxic but passionate partner. Ladies, we’ve all had that one guy in our life that it hurts to love. We get battered and bruised from the blows of their words and thoughtlessness, or if you’re really unlucky their fists. We cling to that potential. The same way we cling to the potential of our young prospect mounts. We carry on, getting bucked off, getting hurt, one day having a great ride in the sun, the next fighting tooth and nail to stay in a straight line. But sometimes we need to make the humane choice, the same choice that you must make with that horse you just don’t vibe with.

As riders we’re trained to get back on when we’re bucked off, we’ve grown up hearing that they’ll mature, you just need to put in more work, that the pain will be worth the reward. I believe we carry this equine parallel into our relationships with men without being conscious of it.

The choice isn’t easy, believe me. Walking away from a relationship or a horse that you have committed so much of your heart, time and energy to is the hardest reality to accept. Accepting that all of the potential of this partnership isn’t going to come to fruition is a hard pill to swallow. But know this; these kinds of partnerships are necessary in our lifetime, and they will come up from time to time. They are the universe’s way of teaching us a valuable lesson. The lesson of walking away. The lesson that walking away isn’t weakness, it isn’t quitting, it isn’t giving up. It is choosing better. It is choosing to allow this partner be it horse or human, to find a better connection that they deserve and you deserve the same yourself. Out there somewhere is their perfect match, looking for exactly what they have to offer. And while you didn’t vibe with them someone else will.

Letting go and breaking the connection with a horse or person isn’t easy but sometimes it is the best choice for both of your happiness and sanity. They will thank you in the long run and you will know in your heart it was the right choice. Every partnership teaches us something, and we can move on knowing that we gained valuable experience and life lessons and knowing that our perfect partner, soulmate or heart horse is out there somewhere waiting for your connection.


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